Going through a divorce will not only have a huge impact on you, but every person in your family, especially your children. If you’re like many parents in Minnesota who have recently divorced, you may think you’ve ruined your children’s lives. But don’t worry, you haven’t. Your divorce will understandably be a big part of your child’s life, but you still have control over their quality of life.
A parental divorce can have a negative effect on children. However, it is important that you understand that you have not doomed your children just because you and your spouse split up. There are many things you can do to make this challenging experience easier for your children — and yourself as well. Here are some ways to parent effectively during and after a divorce.
Different parenting is okay
A main reason you got divorced may have been because you and your spouse disagreed on many things. The good news is you do not have to agree with your ex when it comes to parenting. You are in charge when the children are with you. Make and enforce rules that support your principles, and don’t worry about your ex’s home.
Never put the kids in the middle
Be careful not to vent about your ex to your children or force them to take sides. Your kids don’t want to take sides. When they are with you, they should be free of worrying about the other parent. If you need to vent about your ex-spouse, do so with a family member or friend. By refraining from negative comments about the other parent, you will enable your kids to have healthy relationships with both parents, which will only be beneficial in the long run.
Managing household transitions
It’s common for children to have difficulty transitioning back and forth between homes. When they arrive at your home, they may act out, have outbursts or shut you out completely by refusing to speak. Acknowledge their feelings that are driving these behaviors. Be empathetic but do not put up with behavior that is disrespectful or crosses the line.
It’s okay to be sad or grieve
Understand that it’s natural to be sad or overwhelmed right after your divorce. Divorce is not unlike death in that it is a loss, so there will be a grieving process you’ll likely go through no matter how amicable the divorce is. However, you don’t have to hide all your difficult feelings. You have a right to fall apart; just be careful not to overshare with your kids. Let them know you are having a hard time but that it will get better.